[[~* aLL AbOuT IzumikO's PrivacY *~]]

.[.[.6th.nov.2005.].].

2005-11-06T21:14:00.000-08:00

dear diary.

6th nov.2005...8:56pm...its almost 9pm...and i just started my maths revision again....veri tired....hais...

ok...i dunno wat happen to the family again nor...my mummy and daddy suddenly both cold war....i dunno why...but lucky...this time round...not abt me and my jie...haha.... if not i die.... hum.... today got tution...then its like...my tutor no mood to teach sia...he come he first thing say tired le...when i wan to listen to him attentively tat time he sure say he veri tired...wah piang leh....

hum...then.....today....wah...spend my whole afternoon just to do my frenster profile and pics.... wahahha...currently veri in love with mika nakashima...she is like...so cool...last time she is like.veri normal to me...heard her song...helpless rain..and its nice...i admit...then after tat...her songs come out i never listen le..and never bother much abt her news..until recent...she caught my attention again...esp.with the rock band...NANA...woo ho!~ chio sia!~ the guys so shuai! punk rock! i like it...wahahha.... her new song...glamorous sky...feat.NANa...wah ....veri nice...her image totally change le nor.... she now is queen of punk rock....i like her style now...she change her style is bcos of a movie name"nana". a veri interesting movie...cos from all the news i have got...it is like...veri nice leh...it has got the animation version de...the actual original one was the animation de..now come out movie...taiwan and hongkong on the 4th nov. just start releasing in drama form....and its like..HOW COME SINGAPORE DUN HAVE!

i veri interested in this movie...about 2 girls...4 guys and a singer...wah...piangz~ i wan to watch!~ i am goingto search high and low for the dvd or vcd...go malaysia tat time go find see got anot.... be it the animation or wat...i will buy all!!! ALL!! ALL!!!

tml will be my social studies and maths paper 1...and it is like...COMING TO THE END OF MY O LEVEL LE!~~...but one thing is...my dad wan me to go for my chemistry paper...which i dun wan...cos i nvr go for my chemistry practical.... then its like counted absent le...go for paper also no use....one thing i scared is my sch will ask my dad how come i nvr go for paper...another thing is... i scared my physics cant do well... tat is why...after my bible paper...on tuesday...i have to start revising on physics le...get everything into my head..but i still got geography on the same day itself...SIA LA!~ HOW~~

i dun wan geography fail...i also dun wan physics fail...pengs la.... i need to plan properly liao le....

i die die also need a c5 or c6 for my physics...my combine humans need as b4 or b3...i am aiming high this time...so...i cannot fail! my maths also! at least a B! i need a B!...

tonight no need slp again...keep practice maths...keep revision social studies....esp.social studies...this time round...i suddenly got no clue wat will come out...i dunno wat to study also...i duno why....maybe is bcos no info from teachers ba....i will look at the syllabus and study it...see which to come out....

hopefully...tml everything turn out well.... tml social studies will be at 2pm...its like...ok...veri late...dunno why two papers separate so far sia....but nvm la...i got more time to study also...

going to let myself calm down and do my revision..from now to 12...will be my maths...from 12 to 5 is my social studies....this way...i both subjects also touch le...5am....drag abit....5 30 go and bath.... 6 40 go out of house....7 30 reach novena....8am do maths papers...good...tats it...

all well plan...then come home... revision on bible again...whole day and night...then bible finish...wednesday to friday will be both physics and maths paper two.... then....saturday and sunday all on physics.... monday..tuesday..geography....wednesday EXAM! then end of my whole big examination...as for chemistry.... hum.... i will tell my paper i will not be going...try to persuade him ba... ok...end here...

REVISION TIME!~

.sign.off.
.i.z.u.m.i.k.O. I.n. l.u.v. W.i.f. m.i.k.a.N.a.k.a.s.h.i.m.a.
.q.u.e.e.n.o.f.d.a.r.k.n.e.s.s.V.S.q.u.e.e.n.o.f.p.u.n.k.r.o.c.k.
.6th.nov.2005.
.9:14.pm.
.stressed.sick.enjoy.engrossed.deep.down.

.[.[.3rd.Nov.2005.].].

2005-11-03T22:44:00.000-08:00

dear diary...

3rd nov.2005...10:25pm now...today my parents dun have to work...cos off day for them...so no need to go shop....i woke up around 10 and sms me tutor say tution change...cos i realised.i havent finish my revision..and i cant finish it at all...my illness drag me down....exam period is also my sick period.flu...headache...cough...and fever...i tried to study..but...i got sore throat and flu...veri hard to concentrate...until all the way till i go and bath in the evening..now..i am better..just running nose... need to do my revision until 4plus again le..no matter wat...i have to finish the book tonight...have to memorise them all by tonight...although tml afternoon paper..but 10 30 meeting xiao wei le...intend to go burger king study...quiet..and nice...but i dun feel like meeting her also..cos i am afraid she will end up chatting and not studying...

today...kept looking at my hp...tot he will sms me.....but he didnt..but it shows tat it is a good sign...he is giving up on me?i not sure...but i hope...he can really get over it soon... now tat he is gone....i feel tat something is missing...but i dun have a choice...i knw i cant love him the way he wanted..i know i cant care for him like the way he wanted...cos i am numb...once jia xing is gone...i find it meaningless to be in relationship...where by same thing might happen again....

i have to let go of marcus..although it will be a big regret tat i let go..but i have to do it.....i hope he can understand....no matter how long he wait.i will not turn back..cos i know..he can find a better girl...alot better de girl...

i better end here...still need to do my revision.

.sign.off.
.i.z.u.m.i.k.O.
.3rd.nov.2005.
.10.44.pm.
.depressed.sick.stressed.loveless.meaningless.

.[.[.2nd.nov.2005.].].

2005-11-02T00:03:00.000-08:00

.the.morning.sun.when.will.i.see.it.again.?.

dear diary.

2nd nov.2005... now is 11:46pm... today de blog..write earlier... cos..later have to study bible.i dun have the heart to really study...but no matter wat...i will put my heart into it...i cant afford to miss this chance again..

just downloaded..two songs...liang jing ru de yi dui yi...and jay zhou feat.lara de shang hu hai...totally two different kind of song...one is getting into relationship de song.another is going to be apart..well.of cos.i definitely have a feeling of the being apart song....cos..i dun feel good....

today....woke up veri early..dunno why..i slept at 4 plus..and woke up at 9 in the morning..but eventually i took all my materials to mummy room..and fell aslp on her bed...11 then wake up.then i wash my face...do my notes... in the day..i can act as nth happen.but when night comes....saddness came in again..i dunno why.....i just feel sad..i've tried not to think abt other things but just my bible...but i dun think i can do it...friday is my paper one bible le..i cant fail.i hope i can really do it this time round.....tml i got tution also...lucky my tutor said i have improvement in my maths..if not i really will break down..for so long..all my hard work....i dun wish to go down the drain so easily...

i also wan to have my holiday... so...i have to work really hard..so tat..this long holiday will be a worth it one...if not i am going to regret again.i dun hope for veri good grades..but at least..can get me to somewhere further.i am happy enough.either ite higher nitec...or poly....i dun mind.as long i can move on and not stay in the same place...

although i knw.who i need in life..but i still have to let go.cos...tat person.will have a better future..i can say...i cant accept this everything.i can accept his appearance...the way he is.but over caring...really pull me down alot alot.i dun have any caring bf at all..tat is why this is the first time i can sense as if i am fully secured...which i am not use to it....i feel so tied down...for guo hao.he didnt mean it too...he didnt get my meaning right too.he tot i gave up on marcus cos i wan to be with him....right...i have a crush on guo hao....but i know.he wont be a good bf..or i should say..he wont be the guy i wan....i have seen too many guys like guo hao..and i dun wan to step into tat kind of boat again.where by i will drown myself half way thru the journey.or being push off the boat..marcus's boat.....is a good and safe one.but....in life....u must meet something with obstacles....tat is the challenge...if thru out the journey...it is smooth and safe...no point..cos there will be no more space for improvement of the boat....there is nth else u need to do to the boat..and u will find it meaningless....as if everything has been provided...i dun wan it...one..is too safe..another is full of danger...i dun wish to choose...or to think abt it.justtwo more weeks.and my exam will be over... i need to hang on.i need to......after tat.i will be away for a month or so..i am sure..for tat one month.i can make up my mind.where i wan to go.which way i will wan to go on....and how i wan to move on... as well...i have to be worried abt my o level result...

i have too many problems to handle.and i wish to let go one by one without solving...cos..i know...there will be no solution to it... well..i need to get back to my revision...

will do my blog tml again.

just hope i can memorise all my bible notes...and do well tml..although its just paper one..

god..bless me...
grandpa.i know u are looking after me above....i know u can bless me in everything i do. grandpa...no matter how i miss u....pls..guide me thru my way...stop my sufferings..my tortures...grandpa.when u were still alive.u used to love me alot...u used to buy lots of things for me..talk to me.advice me..now tat u are gone...i still wan u to appear in my dreams...guide me.advice me..grandpa.....i know.u will help me thru my way.bless me....i love you grandpa..

-sign off-
.i.z.u.m.i.kO.
.2nd.nov.2005.
.12.:.03.am.
.depressed.stress.lost.

.[.[.1st.nov.2005.].].

2005-11-01T02:20:00.000-08:00

dear diary...

1st nov...2005... 2am... quite sometime since i ever update my blog...well...exam come le..need to study real hard...dun wish to let my parents down again....my chinese paper over le...all i can say is.the most is just a pass....tats all...the worse...E8...i dunno....

too many things happen..and i dunno how to handle......but now.i have come with one decision....is tat...i let go of everything..and concentrate on my studies..i dun have much time left..there are things i wish to do.....but i guess...no chance..but i wont bother anymore...cos...i find that....there is nothing worth if for me to do..

all i can say is..time being...i will put my heart all into o level...this friday is my bible paper one.i must pass...and do well.... i wont let..love..family or frens to affect my studies again...last yr..i spend too much time in relationship....and going after idols....now i dun wan it anymore...anything come into my life i will reject....until the veri last day of my o level..after that..i will be overseas....well..good.....i wont be in singapore....to face all the problems..i rather run away from the problems...than facing them...crying over them again and again..

i have learn to be strong ever since jia xing left me without a word..for so long.i dun wish to lie to myself too... i will become like tat...is not be cos i did it on purpose....but is jia xing who changed me....although he had become a history.... but...wat he has done...make me gone out of my mind..i learn how to take things for granted...i learn to get to know many guys...to numb myself....to think tat....this way...i wont think of him anymore..but wrong....it worsen..

but now.everything has come to an end.love....has become a phobia to me....i didnt tell anyone.cos...ppl will think i am lying again.....one side is my health.the other is jia xing...i cant hate him also..cos.....he is the one who changed me...learning how to be bad....learning how to be strong..this is not a revenge...i must thank him. cos.ever since he is gone.i had nvr cry over a guy easily again. and i learn to let go easily.cos..i know...forcing my way thru a relation will only make myself suffer..and not the other party.

i will have no idea who i wan to be with...and wat i wan.is becos i dun wish the same thing will happen. jia xing hold on to my hand..saying we will be forever..but....almost our one month....he left.....without a word...the things he said..our memories.....all gone.i tot i can love another person again....

but no....guys who came into my life before..they are crushes...they are the ones i use to numb myself.but until this two guys appear....i know.wat love is all abt..and i dun wanna choose...i let go.becos.....i.myself dun have the confident in love again...although both of them make me believe that...there is true love...there is love tat is worth it.... but i didnt appreciate the one.....who has doen alot for me..right...i dun have the right to love anyone or to accept another person's love....cos..i..myself dunno how to appreciate him....becos i know.i cant....i tot i have learn to be strong.but whenever i think of jia xing..his words.his expressions...his eyes....it makes me break down...i dun like tat feeling.i feel tat i am out of my mind..i cant think properly.....i can make a decision.... i am just anyhow choosing....and to numb myself.....i dun wish to carry on this way and hurt others....

i give up on myself....which will also mean.i give up on love....my only way out.....jia xing..is the only guy.who come into my life.who i cant forget.and will nvr forget.he gave me warmth...he gave me the love i wanted...although i didnt know his reason of leavingv me...but i am sure....it must be tat i must have done something wrong..or i am not good enough for him..tat is why he left me... i dun mind....cos...i know..the problem sure do lies in me. ..he is perfect.....a perfect bf..a perfect someone.the second person who i find is perfect.is marcus.but i cant accept his love..i always have to do something to hide away my real rason.i dun wan anyone to know my real reason behind it.now that things worsen.i can only accept it..and stop thinking abt it......for guo hao.i have to say sorry to him.for being a victim...who helped me to run away from the problems.. i took him as one of the crop.... just to let marcus let go of me.....

they are right.no one can understand me...neither can i understand myself..i have tried to simplified myself....my feelings...my thoughts...i am trying my best.....i wish both of them can understand why i am doing it although my real reason behind it was unknown..

end here.

-sign off-
izumiko
1/11/05
2:20am

[[~* 28th oct 2005 *~]]

2005-10-28T02:59:00.000-07:00

dear diary...

2:25am.... currently...not aslp....after my blog...i will go to bed... today....woke up around noon...and did my notes...and did 2 sets of nail art...just learn how to draw on the nails.... well...now....only doing nail art...and doing revision... can pull me away from tears.... these few days...in my blog...although...i mention alot abt guo hao...but i realised....i and him...are so far apart....he dun bother abt me....and i dun seems to be veri bothered when he is not with me...but...i feel tat something is missing in my life....which is him....hurt him 3 times....in the end i left him and met someone new...who i accepted....i let him down... maybe...i ask too much from him...if he can accept me for who i am...why cant i accept for who he is...i am a girl who bothers alot abt the height of a guy...the way the guy treats me...and piercing...tattoos...but when guo hao told me abt his stuff.... i accept them all.... maybe... i am really really trying to numb myself with everything.... but.....to be true...guo hao is the only one who can understand my situation... i know i trust him..and can have him with me when i really feel down......but for tat him...quarrels..quarrels and quarrels...i didnt wan it...but i have to..i have nvr intend to pull anyone down with me...cos i know wat i am facing...

love hurts.....and i feel miserable...and gulity...tat i did so much things to hurt him to chase him away....i know wat situation i am in...i dun wan him to suffer with me...i also dun wan guo hao to suffer with me...i feel veri bad.....everyday...tot i watch tv...do my notes... do nail art...i can stop thinking...but i couldnt...when i reach the night.... darkness fall...i broke down again...i dunno wat should i know....i cant love guo hao...as much as i love him....cos... everytime when i chase him away....my heart hurts alot.... he maybe irritating at times..but sometimes...his words make me smile.... if i dun bother abt him...i wont even bother to talk to him...to quarrel with him...i know who i need....who i wan...but i cant.... i am glad...my family are in peace now.... we live in harmony now...i dun quarrel with my sis anymore...we are two loving sisters...frens.....no more troubles.... indeed...xiao wei is a true fren of mine...i trust her....

i cant forgive myself for doing so much.....last night... or rather...the night before..when i sms with guo hao...i found tat... him and i...are in two different world... we are far apart.... he likes something i dun....i wan something he dun wan.... opposite.... as for tat HIM... he accepted everything i wanted...and i accepted everything he wanted....when he left..i feel so pain.....but when he is with me..i took him for granted... i cant be like tat...i am not like tat...tears drown me to slp every night.... facing hypocrites.... entertaining hypocrites... i am so tired...but i have to face so many things..and fight on......

xiaowei's problem...tat bastard.... i leave all this problems to my parents to solve...edmund...u dun respect girls.....now..let my parents teach u how to respect girls.... dun take girls just as sex toy...u are no better...u are just like a gigolo now.....cos...u are pushing urself to girls....dun be a despo...wake up.... u are just too ugly...why ugly? cos ur character and behaviour rotten ur whole appearance... giving me disturbing calls? why not use a pay phone...asking paul to speak to me...telling me u masturbate everytime u see my pic in frenster? making u high? so sad......only pic makes u high...i think...lots of sperm are wasted...and now.....u will have ur punishment... cos...time has come...god wans u ....my dad wans ur apology...jocelyn...a fren i know since young...end up...being a betrayer...back stabbing me.....wat for? i dun even give a damn...say wat u wanna say...u really think i have been fooled by u? the way u welcome me on the first day of sch... i already know...u are a hypocrite...and i am putting up an act with u.since u love acting...then i carry on with u... i dun mind..

those who intend to ruin me..to hurt me....to disturb me...let me say one more time...if u wan to ruin me...pls...wait till the next lifetime... to hurt me? i have learn how to heal myself...no need to hurt me...cos i will recover soon...disturb me..i will leave it to my parents...they will return me all i wanted..even if it is just a apology...i still wans it... dun u ppl dare to touch me...cos...i am not someone who u ppl can deal with......i will support my fren...xiao wei all the way.... cos.... i know...who are the bad ones...who are the good ones....

upcoming is my o level...just 2 weeks.and everything will be over...and i wont need to see those ppl...i cant be bothered.... i will treasure the ones who is worth it and not...wasting my time on entertaining the ones who are just putting an act in front of me...no matter how u ppl say me..or dislike me... i won bother...cos u ppl dunno me well... and i wont care much either...

end here...

-sign off-
.i.z.u.m.i.k.O.
.2.8.t.h.o.c.t.2.0.0.5.
.t.h.u.r.s.d.a.y.
.2.:.5.9.a.m.
.m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e.

[[~* 26th oCt 2005 *~]]

2005-10-26T03:06:00.000-07:00

dear diary...

now is 2:16am in the morning.... i am not slping....cos...over nervous abt tml...and u know wat? my chem practical i didnt go...and i dun have to go for the rest of the chem paper le...cos once prac. nvr go...counted absent...lucky i just go see the seab practical examination letter.... and saw the info...HENG!~ if not tml i dun wan go physics....then i DIE! now....for chemistry...since its done..i can 100% give up on chem....i will do alot alot alot of revision on phsyics liao...cos...I NEED TO PASS MY PHYSICS!

lucky my silly boy tat day got go his prac. paper...he at first also dun wan go de...i say until he go sia...keke...LUCKY! if not his science paper whole thing dun need to go le.... heng ar...at first tot of not going...but heng..go ask around.... see my letter...then know cannot skip..WAHAHHA!~ zhen shi you jing wu xian!

just checked the bus route... 325 can reach.... so...i shall take tat bus and go tat sch....hum.... as well...after exam...take 325 home again..wahaha...abit shy leh....although got someone same as me outsider go in tat sch take exam...and ya! 2hrs in tat bloody sch nor! i bring alot of things go there...but definitely..i am going to slp there! hopefully take pure physics de...alittle ppl nia...pls pls....dun clash with them is the best de le! aiya....suan le... one yr one time...just let it be... and this will be the last time~

si bei tired...but dunno why...my eyes cant shut... veri excited abt tml leh....dunno why....sianz.... maybe is go another sch...tats why....i wearing san yu de uniform some more...dots.... SHY NAH!

oh ya...tml have to bring calculator...pencil box... hais...tml sure dunno how to do de...if give me do magnet de..i sure gone case...if circuit de hua...wo hai hao...best is like mr chi give de...then i like it...haha...

end here le...missing my boy....

-sign off-
.i.z.u.m.i.k.O.
.2.6.t.h.o.c.t.2.0.0.5.
.3.:.0.6.a.m.
.w.e.d.n.e.s.d.a.y.

.l.o.v.i.n.g.u.a.l.w.a.y.s.
.m.y.d.a.r.l.i.n.g.
.m.y.s.i.l.l.y.b.o.i.

[[~* 24th oct 2005 *~]]

2005-10-24T00:45:00.000-07:00

.tiS.iS.moi.BoY.

dear diary.....
24th oct 2005...12:25am.... well...today...hum...climax ba.... hum...cos...i didnt know xiaowei will turn to me again...and i was like...hum....ok.... at first...ws angry tat she scold me tat time...but come to think of tat...i dun mind le ba...cos... afterall..she is the one i trusted...so....after so many things...she is still my best fren ba....frens are easy to find and get...but true frens...and best frens...are hard to find...and we have to treasure them..therefore i treasure her...just like how i treasure my siLLy fAMily...
i know who are the goods one and who are the bad ones....hypocrites i have seen alot...and i know...how to see the difference between a good and a bad....since those ppl loves to act...i act with them...the one who backstab...the one who talk bad abt ppl... they are the losers...cos....they can never face the fact tat...nobody is perfect...if i were to be in the sec 1 and 2...yes...i will blow up and start to find tat person trouble...but now.....i wont..cos i know...these ppl did all this...is becos...they dunno wat is the true meaning of nobody is perfect.... if they love to say others...wat abt themselves? i will keep in silence becos...no point saying ba...since sec 1 and 2... Xin hui loves to backstab me...talk bad abt me.....firstly...if i were to quarrel back..then i will be gulity of all the things she said..i kept quiet..also is becos i dun wish to spoil a frenship....and i wont fall for the trap.... so.....i learn how to be more alert of others.... but definitely...not towards XiaoWei...JaLaine...Yan Chang..Adrian..Ah Guan And AleX..And lasTly...mY silly boy....these ppl...are the ones i wont suspect...and i have 100% trust...
for..i dun mention names..the ones who backstab me and Xiaowei...all i can say is...take care........cos...someday...things will go back to them....all the best to them.....wat goes around...comes around...my teacher from north vista tot me alot...and i understand and Learn from them... so...i will be strong...together with XiaoWei... move on towards our o level...and for my sisters...we will move on for our ten yrs anniversary... and for papa kor and ah gong...we will move on for the next century... and for my silly boy.we will move on...for a better future... for a long lifetime... we will....
silly boy today will be out whole night le ba...tml then can contact le...but he use his fren de hp sms me just now...well.....its veri sweet of him to do tat.....a responsible person i guess.... i dun care how long will i have...but i know...i will treasure every single moment with him..and with my dearest... and for those who harm me and hurt me....i will still keep quiet...until the day u ppl realised ur mistakes...and become a better person....
end here for tonight... go study again..... tml not going practical EXAM!!~ YEAH YEAH!~ CHEMISTRY SUX!

end here...

*missing my boi*

-sign off-
.i.z.u.m.i.k.O.
.2.4.t.h.o.c.T.2.0.0.5.
.1.2.:.4.5.a.m.
.m.O.n.D.a.Y.M.i.D.N.i.g.H.t.

[[~23th oct 2005~]]

2005-10-23T00:15:00.000-07:00

dear diary.....

23th oct 2005.... 11:50pm.... today no tution...again...then go out with my parents...then went to IMM...and then...wah...reach there dunno wat time liao....4plus le...then go the $2 shop walk...and my target is to buy nail art things la...but it is like...got the nails...the nail art things not alot..but lucky...i found a goodie...wahaha...there is a small bucket of the nail art crystals and pearl...lucky my papa come find me and talk...then i walk around that area veri long...then found it..i bought 3 boxes of fake nails...3 packet of pink color pearls... one packet of golden crystal pearl... 1 packet of of heart shape pearl... 2 nail art stickers nor...2 packet of heart shape nail art stickers...ready de.. one crystal version..one pearl version... then... one red nail polish...one sliver... one pearl pink.. one transparent... one crystal purple nail art thing nor... and one thing i find veri long de le..is a foundation..but it is to balance the skin color and tone..tat day saw on tv..and its like...singapore where will have? cos i nvr see such foundation...unless real branded de ba..then found the yellow tone...actually wan to buy the purple and blue..for dark skin de...but no purple...then dun wan buy le...yellow also can...balance my skin color nia..then put on think layer of foundation can le... bought a comb also..tat time buy de lost liao..so go buy another one..keke....and ok la...tats all le ba..but! i forgot to buy my nail art de tape...i buy all the things..but when i wan to put on my nails? no tape no glue...how to put on? haha.... intend to go there on tuesday again..go buy le...then go airport study with jalaine...since she say she wan to pei me on tuesday de...cos i dun wan go for my chem practical....then...hum..ya...i saw her today...wah...lucky she just walk off lor...i saw her i straight away tell my mum...then she say where? i say go liao lor...

then my papa come along..i say...wah...daddy...damn suay leh..i saw xiao wei.... then he was like...then? she got see u? i say of cos not...she see me she die lor.... haha..cos i really hate her..for all the effort and my heart... i treat her like a real true best fren..end up... i got accused for nothing... ok lor..up to her... she wan to be like tat...she be lor..then my papa say...lucky she nvr go in superstar..if not she will be worse..veri proud..now already like tat liao...zi yi wei shi... if become a pop star? worse.... with her character like tat... be how famous also no use... she can be only known as a money machine..to earn money.... no real frens... wah...i was like...papa...u ok anot? haha...say her until like tat.... wahaha...

but the fact... my dad dun like ppl to accuse me... esp. for nth..and its not true...no chance to explain..and she talk bad about me behind...dunno how many times she had talk bad abt me... right? no one knows..

then after tat...we go giant walk walk...first time in our lives... we bought only 7 items... from giant..my whole family esp. me...will buy alot of thing de nor...dun have $120 and above sure canot de..but today... less than $50...wahahaha...my dad was like..wow...wahahaha....

then my daddy say our whole family...4 hp...de bill come le...add up only $300 plus...i was like...last last month is $400 plus now is $300 plus...up coming? haha...#200 plus...dunno leh...going overseas le...maybe will be higher..but i think wont...cos i nov 17 come again...for that 2 weeks...i exam..hp wont use alot de nor...then.......after tat overseas le...i dun have roaming...should be haha...even lesser le ba...

then.....hum..ok la..quite happy tat our whole family de expenses went down alot leh... i was shocked also....nov 27 coming le..and i havent even buy go wedding dinner de clothes..hais...after tat is exam le... then not going out le...except...the one week after exam and before i head for brunei..i hope i can find a perfect clothing ba...the clothes i wan to wear..my mummy say too matured for me..i was like...hum...then? i wear back jeans skirt...and t shirt... can le ba...a perfect heels also cant find..hais...zhen shi de...shoes i can find myself...but clothes..i need my mummy to be around leh...how sia!

after my o level..i will ask jalaine and yan chang out..ask them pei me go buy shoe! die die also need my heels!!!!! clothes...bao zai wo mummy shen shang le ba...wahahhaa...she always choose the best clothing for me! those new yr clothing also she buy de... not bad la..but i am too use to casual..so bo bian..those clothes...long long wear one time ba...wahahha....

hum... was smsing with guo hao since.....erm.....8plus 9? then talk alot ba...and..i know his ideal girl ba...and it is like..ok...too perfect....tat i dun fit in at all.....no confident..firstly..my health...secondly..my appearance......i intend to stay single.....not only becos of my health..but my appearance.....every guy wan a perfect girl..good looks......shapes.....character.....when i know guohao's ideal girl...i tell myself...maybe i should let go.....lets not waste his time....be it how in love i will be......he wont be mine.....so.i think.....hints tells me tat i should stay single.....decision lies with him..i have no rights to say a word..

i better end here... my headache comes again..nowadays it just kept coming..old sickness.......

end here..

-sign off-
[[~*izumikO*~]]
23th oct 2005
12:15am

[[~* 22th oct 2005 *~]]

2005-10-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

dear diary,

22th oct 2005...its actually pass 12 midnight le.... and i am here writing my blog... cos..i cant slp..suppose tml got tution de..but tutor last min say got band practice...and off he go...no tution! tml suppose to have 3 hrs tution de leh.... sianz....i intend tml morning pei mummy go market ba..i veri long nvr pei her le....

last night....hais....something bad happen.... he eventually did manage to come online find me ba...then we chatted...then....after tat....he told me his NS letter come le...9th dec 2005 need to report in le...i was like.....hais....ming zhong zhu ding le ba... no choice..... he say he wan to go for the Naffa test...but i mean...no point if pass the test then drag on for 2 months...i rather he dec go in...by feb...can come out during week end...my bday in feb...valentines' day also in feb...if he feb go in...then i celebrate everything myself? hais.... i dunno ba...well...all up to him too....then its like.....i sort of tell him...he can dun say such agreement to me de...cos i know wat situation i am in......

went off crying without hearing wat he gonna say ba...cos he say at least reach the time of agreement.....then give it a try....... i was like...a try.....means definitely gone case.....not the first time a guy say to me try....... so.....went of crying like mad...cry until 4plus i think.......5 ba..then go see my com again...he still online......then..he msg me ba........i think.i forgot..then we talk abt it again.......this time round.....he promise......our agreement will come true.......i knw i trust him......but anything can happen......i dare not have high hopes......and saw the email he sent me...i didnt know he love his ex so much.......for his ex.... he stop using hp.....the feeling of holding a hp...reminds him of something again...he told me the real reason behind it..and he said he is sorry for being in such confusion.....but i cant blame him..for a person like me..its hard to get the love i wanted......

well.........promises were made again...but wat puzzles me now is....his feeling for his ex..is it still there? or gone? he isnt online tonight.....he didnt sms me tonight either....maybe its still early for him.....actually...there are times where by i wan to ask him...why he dun come online so often...wat is he exactly doing in the day....but i know something veri clearly......i should not interfer...cos......its his freedom....so.....i didnt say a thing......every night....i waited for his sms....sometimes.....it maybe tiring......but as least one sms from him.....i am glad enough le.......

today whole day at home.......doing my notes....looking at my nails.....asking why it isnt growing long.....it has been 1 month...and my nails are still short.not as long as i wanted.well..i always bother abt such stupid things....cos..i have no aim.......i have nth......

seeing the ppl around me.......getting attached...i feel veri happy.like......carrot......jiajie......and many many more.......i am glad....... well...dunno wat to say.......

i only know..day by day.....i am getting restless..time is coming? not sure...end here..

-sign off-
[[~*izumikO*~]]
1:08am
22th oct 2005

[[~* 20th ocT 2005*~]]

2005-10-20T07:36:00.000-07:00

dear diary...

20th oct 2005....today again...whole day at home...do my study notes....hum...last night...3plus then slp.... cos... chatted with guohao using sms ba....and...hum....really enjoy the night ba...cos for so many ppl...he is the only guy who can understand my situation...the rest...would think i am selfish and all... but i dun care ba...for those who dun understand wat i am going thru...pls...just get lost...

and for those who had scolded me...pls..get out too....simply...these ppl dun understand....today de blog...dunno wat to write also...cos... simply...my life...is that meaningless...everyday the same thing happen... study...eat rest...tv....study eat rest...tv....tats all... 2 more weeks my o level start le...seems fast...i am sure...it will be over veri soon...by then...i will have to prepare for the journey to brunei le ba..hum.... 1 month trip to brunei and kl....first time got such long overseas trip ba...but lucky...in brunei got internet..if not i sure die sia....wahahhaa...can see my dearies again....my cutie pies....weiwei and la bi xiao xing aka xiongxiong....keke...

end here for tonight...still got notes to do ba...but finishing...hope he will be online soon....

ps: why isnt he online? hais........

-sign off-
[[~*izumikO*~]]
20th oct 2005
23:07pm

[[~* 18th oct 2005 *~]]

2005-10-18T23:55:00.001-07:00

dear diary....

18th oct 2005.....die liao lor....left 1week 6days to first paper for o level....PIANG! i scared! although its chinese....but...er.....AH!~

okok...today woke up at 9am....i slept at 4 41am today leh...WAH!~ tired!~ but for the sake of my mummy de jacket...i need to wake up and go ba...i meet my gan mummie nor...she pei me go buy...BUT...before tat.... we went to K box! WOO HO!~ haha...it has been a long time since i go k box liao...last night keep discuss go where de k box...bocs my mummy de jacket at chinatown de OG...then intend to go chinatown de...then gan mummy call shaun up nor...cos he work at chinatown de k box de ma....see if he got work today...go find him...maybe can ask him pay ma...then who knows...he go paradise centre de k box work....then ok lor...nvm...my gan mummie tell him...ok lor...nvm...byebye...he still dun wan put down...keep tell my mummie wat...he today not working la...ask we all call him out and all..go k box and all...then my gan mummie cannot tahan...but well...we didnt meet him up today la...cos sing k box...in hougang....then after tat...go OG buy then go home liao...nth de ma.... but he called gan mummie today la...we singing k box tat time....my mummie call him back lor....then he keep wan us to meet him....haha...then i inside singing zhu wo sheng ri kuai le...until veri happy...mummie walk in say shaun wan to talk to me...i dun wan...cos he nag alot...then i quickly take my mic continue sing...haha! mummie bo bian go outside entertain his call...

as usual lor...i starting singing keep go off tone...plus my throat...canot make it sia...keep got thing stuck there like tat...i buay tahan keep clear throat....then ok lor.... sing until qian nian zhi lian my voice ok liao...cos once i sing a shouting song..confirm up coming songs all can make it~~ haha.... mummie also another clever one...she sing the front no need shout de... i sing chorus...make me shout...wahahha!~ but i think i love the song... feng zhen by sun yan zi and tian hei hei..this two song i perform best today sia...wahahha... ok la....then is zhu wo sheng ri kuai le lor...then others is old song....like ye lai xiang... hao hao ai wo by feng fei fei... cha shao bao...wahahha....sing until veri happy...to be serious...my bloody voice really veri suitable to sing old songs.... then i sang.... my heart will go on... as long after qian nian zhi lian de song i all can make it!~ woo hoo~~ next time at home scream like mad le then go sing...my voice open up le...can sing better....wahahha....

ok la...veri enjoy leh.... then after singing...we go chinatown...mummie forget need to go tampines buy thing for her fren..then we go chinatown liao then travel to tampines nor....wah...sit until we buttock PAIN! so long sia!~ then hum...nth much also...nothing veri funny happen today also...i only know me and mummie siao de.... i around 4plus 5 then reach home....watch tv....STUPID NOR! the jing zhi yu ye tat hongkong drama END LE! 30 episode nia! today watch the ending...hais...ke lian... lady hua.... sun bai yang(doctor)... lady An all die....lady chun manage to survive leh...haha...happy happy...then lady Ru...she suppose to be veri bad de last time..but ever since the huang shang dislike her... the huang hou took her babie away..she change alot...the huang hou veri bad sia...she murder the babie...the babie sick still dun ask the doctor heal it...drag and drag...until the babie die in her own mummie's hand..which is lady ru....ke lian leh...although she use the death of her child to gain the trust and pity from huang shang la...but i dun think she is wrong...her first babie 3yrs ago is huang hou ask ppl kill de leh...die in her womb...so bad lor... then tat huang hou...i think also will die de la...huang shang leave the palace...rioters all come in destroy the palace...the person who lead them in is ah shuang... kong wu de good bro..but becos ah shuang do bad things...then kana kick out of palace...kong wu wan to help but tat ah shuan stubborn...dun wan... keep say he acting and all... then i see liao really wan to slap him sia... then bao chan...a servant la...ah shuang like her alot..tot can leave together de...but who knows...huang hou ask ppl kill bao chan....poor girl....then ah shuang now attack the palace also becos he wan revenge for bao chan...he tot bao chan is lady ru kill de...but is huang hou...after kong wu explain...then tat ah shuang wake up...then help them..wan to guide them out... then tat huang hou ask tai jian to act as the rioters to kill lady ru and lady an and lady chun...but kong wu and ah shuang protect them..end up ah shuang die...he kana the arrow... then die...SO SAD!

then nvm.... lady ru ask lady an and kong wu to leave...she will block the fake rioters...one of the tai jian veri loyal to lady ru...er... xiaolinzi...ah...he help them also..but wat happen to him also dunno... got one tai jian wang fu shou...bastard sia... go help the huang hou...trap sun bai yang and lady hua...cos huang hou know they got affair...wan to kill them... then she ask her servant to put fire in their room then they die together.... when die...both of them still hug and die together...so loving lor...sun bai yang de father still tot his son can make it...cos they intend to leave capital... with sun bai yang de lao po...but who knows...his son die in the palace...his father sad like dunno wat.... wah..its totally like a disease...the ending so bad sia...tot kong wu lady an and lady chun can run out got happy ending...but who knows...lady an kana arrow then broken...they busy running for their lives dunno... but lady an know la..she dun wan say...then lady chun see her kana arrow then she veri sad.... lady an still ask lady chun go her village stay from now on... tat is lady chun de next home...cos lady chun no family le... then kong wu go find water come back...also duno lady An kana arrow...then kong wu still ask her to slp for a while reach ferry terminal then wake her up...but lady chun and lady an know de lor...once slp wont wake up le...lady chun sit at the back of the carridge...see her arrow on lady an de back...she cry nor...cos kong wu dunno she dying...SAD!~ then like tat jiu end liao! HOW CAN! all die why not huang hou die!!! SO STUPID!!!

i see this drama see until veri angry de leh sometimes...haha...buts its veri nice nor! i think this is the only drama i enjoy liao...after my olevel i ask my mummy go let me buy the vcd....then i watch finish le can lend my cousin watch also...they will like it de....wahahha! good!

just now leh...i help my jie do nail art ba..not a veri nice one...cos she wan design de... veri no creation...haha...but ok la...at first she took my nail art kit and use i dunno cos i slping...she go take... i veri angry de...but after tat...ok le la...i mean... she wont over use jiu hao le....then i end up help her do...

she say ok...she like it...i like the beads leh..haha...veri nice... $1.90 for 15 beads..not bad leh...haha... next time go orchard find...but i will be having long nails le...will do all on my real nails le leh...i also dunno...i scared my bloody school...when we go back for o level they wan spot check...i sian half sia... hopefully dun have la... wahahha...

i nails dunno keep how long liao...still tat short.... something is wrong sia...wahaha... my hair and nails cannot grow de.... dunno why... meimei de hair grow until dunno where...i still at shoulder or watever...haha...SIANZ!~

i going to do rebonding after my o level...when go for wedding dinner in kuching..i shall let tat bitch see how good and nice i can be...better than her kids..PUI! mo beng! lam nua! ER XIN! my mummy de product still the best...chio! HUMPH! be it wat...its obvious me and my jie more chio than tat bitch de daughters...got 9 kids dai sai ar? her kids not like king kong if not is like mo beng...if not is like bamboo stick..CANNOT MAKE IT... ah lian face..come singapore..dun think she can survive long...sooner or later sure kana beaten up de nor! PUI PUI PUI!~ accuse my mummy...this is how u die...me jie and mummy and daddy will dress damn nice...and rich...shall let them see... wat we really made off... not plastic spoon...but golden spoon family....we are wealthy...where her family is a fake weathly..no money act got money..pls nor! bluff my grandparents de mummy de lor! say no money all the time...but the fact is save it all up...give birth to so many useless kid...dunno for wat....no brains...no breast! er xin...boys no looks... no height...no style...girls no breast...no looks no BRAINS! a bunch of pigs! i will not let them have good time... this time round..i am going to get back wat my mummy suppose to have... dun play tricks.... sooner or later..all her doings will be proven and seen thru....

just wait and see... she wont be having a good life...

better end here...the more i say the more i angry...

-sign off-
[[~* izumiko *~]]
18th oct 2005
11:54pm

[[~* 18th oct 2005 *~]]

2005-10-18T23:55:00.000-07:00

[[~* 17th oct 2005*~]]

2005-10-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

dear diary...

17th oct.... now is past 10pm...and i just finish bathing and intend to come and blog..cos for quite some time i nvr blog le....its like...struggling thru my books... wah....stress...now 17th le...2 more weeks is the start of my o level le...actually quite happy also...cos its like...i going overseas soon....holiday coming...then results coming also...aiya...hope this time can really pass...for this 2 weeks...all i need to do is to struggle struggle struggle...practice more...i think i will pass de....er...hope so ba...hope my brain not lag anymore...

in nov and dec...my programe is like FULL!

My Programmes:

nov 27: off to kuching in the morning....
nov 28: fly to miri and take car back to brunei...
nov 29 to dec 13: in brunei...
dec 14: off for wedding dinner at kuching again...
dec 15 : stay in kuching...
dec 16: back to singapore... at night..
dec 17: cousins from brunei come to singapore.... then evening go 5566 concert with them and
my jie...
dec 18: prepare all the things for genting and kl trip...
dec 19: night coach to genting...
dec 20,21,22: in genting....
dec 23,24,25: in KL...
dec 26: back to singapore...

this is the whole programme i am going to have for the next 2 months.... and its like...ok...i am so full!!!!! nov 18th end of my o levels....from 18th to 26th i am in singapore nia....and i will make full use of it..cos will be going overseas for about 2 and 1/2 weeks...in brunei and kuching...its like running here and there...SO MA FAN!

then back...the next day go concert....then 18th shopping for all the things needed for genting and kl...go genting and kl also about 1week plus....then come back.... my aunt 31th dec then go back....with is...the singapore 2006 count down they will be here...its gonna be fun! i was thinking...booking a bbq...asking ppl to come...wahahahha!~ SHIOK!~

gonna ask this from my parents....see how.... ask last time 1E4 de ppl come...woo ho~ love it!~
but cant think of all the enjoyments first...need to pia my o level...SURE TO DO IT!~ not going for o level chemistry practical ba...going for paper nia...then my physics practical..got EDMUND to pei me..cos we two same shift and sch...wahahahha~~ good good....

suppose tot my jie found a job...but now...dun have le...cos i think the ppl dun wan her...cos she have this 3mnths contract...then now 1 month not working...the ppl dun wan her.... i think only la...not sure...i only heard she say the person say cannot then she go home liao.... hum...nvm..after come back from holidays can find job le...i also finding job ma...haha...same same nah...its ok de

hum....tat day went to my ah ma de bday celebration...again...AMK! last yr also there...this yr also...3 tables...add up almost $1000 so expensive...and the food also not veri nice lor...i rather go east coast...got seafood....wahhahaha!~ seaview...sho nice!~ er..ok la...i am allegy got some seafood la...i know i cant eat seafood...dots....then my ah ma...we go fetch her... then....go there....around 6:35pm we reached...and wat happen...NONE OF THEM ARE THERE! all say 6:30pm nor...end up we rush and rush...no one come..until 7pm then come...lucky there got shop and save...me mummy and ah ma go there walk walk see see...then my mummy bought some tibits ba...i bought WANG WANG XUE BING! wahahhaa....nice nice....i always love eating tat le.... but littlbe bit nia...today finish liao...wahhahaha....then bought one coffee flavour de biscuit for my ah ma...she so happy sia...wahahha....

then go there eat...woo ho!~ my daddie de uncle de wife say i pretty liao...my 4th auntie...my 2nd auntie...my big auntie all say i pretty le...my 3rd auntie also my gan ma la...she also say i pretty le...then keep help me say good things in front of my mother..cos they use hokkien say alot nah..then all i can do is to nod my head...cos i dun undestand...tat is wat i hate...i dun understand wat they saying....cos all hokkien...my auntie say i pretty... and dunno wat..then my mother say back...pretty so wat...mouth can talk cannot do...then my auntie say at least i have something not nth ma.... can talk well let ppl like and adore better than others...i still win others in talking leh...wahhahaa...then i keep giggling...

all keep say i veri tanned...my 3rd auntie still say...wah....veri tanned hor....how come suddenly so tanned..then my mummy say i born out jiu like tat liao...she take too much kopi when having me...wahahhaha~~ but overall still a good and nice production! my jie fair..tall pretty...but she is born to be la...dun have much changes also...tat is why no one say her pretty and all...but to me..she is the prettiest liao....

then my 2nd aunt...not bad la....she look better now...hair grown back...but my papa say she not under medi le...no medi for her to take le...only waiting for time to come nia...i hear liao abit sad sia..... then hum...hope she will be fine ba...she will de...

then oh ya! my big uncle si bei lao lan....after dinner all walk out ma....then he say one thing make me angry.... wah...wei zhi....nvr exercise ar? i was like...huh? uncle....from last yr end of yr until now...i dunno loss how much weight liao.... my parents also can see ma....then he say wah....getting fatter...i was like...wah...i go thru so many hard ships...even eat the medi until i sick just to loss weight nor.... he leh....stomach getting bigger liao leh...when going to give birth? only know how to insult ppl....eyes got problem la! keep saying me and my jie veri big size...his sons leh...all short short.... dunno like wat.... san san ji gi ku! then all so nan kan! walk also 386....PUI! i hate tat uncle to the core..he so rich yet still go to such lousy place....BEN DAN!

my papa hurt wat he said to me he walk away...he cannot tahan also....so lao lan no wonder ur wife also another hypocrite...tat time keep say my mummy fat..pls! u are fatter and bigger in size....and so ugly...i really wonder at times...my tat auntie...to be true...look like dinosaur....yet my uncle and marry her.... my mummy so pretty and look so young lor! Slimmer and smaller in size! she no right to say my mummy lor...her arm so big still wear sleeveless...to be thru...all my aunties and uncles..DUNNO HOW TO DRESS WELL!! my cousins also....pui!

one thing i really know... why cant whole family reach the restaurant and celebrate...one find excuse say working...my my aunt de kids some went out with frens dun wan come... some stay at home...and its like...wah lao...bday also one yr one time lor...my ah ma so old le...how many times de bday will she have? another 30yrs? if can i also wan la...but cannot de right! they think its boring to go...but pls...how long do u see ah ma? i feel so irritated.... at times think of it...i just feel tat all are hypocrites....my ah ma stay alone already so ke lian liao....bday also dun wan come...really slap them to wake up then can...

nvm...dun talk abt them...make me boils....ystd go chinatown...my jie nor...wan to buy button shirt for working...3 shirts...and cost $ 90+++ lor! now cannot work liao...stupid! then she bought two pieces of undergarments...wah! one piece $69 leh.... we almost faint...haha..but end up still buy la...bo bian leh.... then go walk walk...see see...go food court eat...wahahha..i most clever with food le...i ask my papa buy mee hoon kuey for me leh... then its like...ALOT! $250 de look like $4 de...wahahhaa....then my papa buy veggie hor fan...a little bit nia...my jie de hot plate....lemon chicken also little bit de chicken nia...my mummy de noodles worse! nth inside... my food came the earliest le...but i finish last....firstly...its too much...secondly...i always eat the slowest in the family...wahahaha... i tried to stuff alot in at one time..but my mouth too small! haha...then my papa see me eat...like he wan to eat also..but he full le la...but can see from his expression... he see me eat like veri xin ku..cos i try to eat fast and alot at one time..then i push my drink to him...ask him drink....haha...he not full at all...cos his hor fan...LITTLE LIKE SHIT! haha... waste money nia.... then we eat liao go home... on the way home in car..my papa told us abt the news on the car forelight now cannot on liao...cos alot ppl on forelight then the big light dun wan on...then forelight veri striking ma... will affect another driver de view...so now cannot on le...then on the way home...thru out..i keep looking out the window counting how many cars on forelight....end up...only found 4...haha....

oh ya! on saturday nite...when drving my jie to amk mrt station..cos she going out...she ask abt my papa de jia chan...i wan like...huh? how come like tat ask...my papa shop worth alot leh...millions nor! then one month he had to earn at least 40k to maintain the family and shop de things leh...his workers pay also...then just imagine...one yr? woo ho!~ we are rich! the fact...we are rich...its only...the expenses we have are huge...plus his machines rental veri expensive..workers? bouns la...and all...need alot sia....last time my papa declare to the bank has 96k per yr...cos he loan money from bank for my condo...and everything la.... but then he now dun declare liao...he got 96k per yr..but only say dunno how much...cos the interest of i think the dunno wat la...my papa say he need to pay govt. $3000 per yr leh... he no money wor! then he dun wan...so declare lesser...wahahahha!~ now then i know we are riched! dun rob me or kidnap me! my dad wont pay! i rather die than wanting him to pay...i rather he take all the money for enjoy his life after retirement...wahahah!~

ok la... well...no matter wat...still need to save the money up for future... cos we dunno wat will happen in future le.... right?

end here...

-sign off-
[[~* izumikO *~]]
17th oct 2005
11:06pm

[[~* 13th oct 2005 *~]]

2005-10-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

dear diary,

13th oct 2005....4:27am now....and i just finish my notes not long ago...actually is half way thru ba...this afternoon do do do...all the way until 4plus in the morning.... keep thinking if i wan to attend sch...for my graduation...but tot of someone...makes me dun feel like going....even though i know i have to give her back her exam paper...but i dun care much...cos i know...go to sch...she will find trouble...i rather not go and throw myself in the deep hole...i will hand the papers to edmund... she wans it...she go and collect from him or suzen...i will hand it to either one of them...if she is impatient...then come to my house and collect....er... no..is OUTSIDE my house and collect.... not happy...ask her father to come and collect then...then i will talk to his father face to face...to see...if she accuse me wrongly...i i really did something wrong to make her hate me for nothing....

this frenship is so weak and fragile.... easily broken..and this tells me even more...that this isnt a frenship at all...she said i make use of her as a going out partner...why not ask herself...out of 10 times she will ask me out most of the times...if not is we agree together...but end up...she was the one who come asking me wat time meet and all... i had nvr once mention of going out.... the most i mention didnt say we must go out.... since now she had worsen so many things....i write out everything also nvm le.... tat time... she wanted to go out on the thursday...which is also the day my chem practical exam took place.... she eventually asked me...if i wan to go home and change...and meet her again....pls...a normal human being will be tired...and more over... she dun wan to tell me in advanced... i called her on monday afternoon...she wednesday evening then ask me again...i friday suppose to meet up yanchang they all...cos they teaching me physics.... and wat...i say i cant go out on thursday and then on friday..my parents wont be happy abt it...she not happy...saying i finding excuses... EXCUSE ME! my parents arent tat loose on me! pls bear tat in mind.... i have serious family problems...and its like it can never be solved..and i wan to try my best to mend them up...but wat have this girl think...thinking i just finding excuses...is it veri happy and nice to see a family quarrel just becos i go out on two days... which is one after another? pls!no!

put her aeroplane...but tat isnt wat i wanted to...at times i really have problems tat crop up tat i cant go out...i dun even have the money...how to go out? she earn money....her parents give her money easily...but i am not...i dun earn money...and my dad dun give me money so easily.... u knows its all...but how come she can say tat out...saying i am giving excuses.... saying i make use of u...wat did i make use of u? wat are the things u can let me make use of to gain something good? ur looks? ur talents? pls...tat is u...urself.... i cant have them at all...nail arts? u have nvr teach me a single thing on nail art.... singing? pls... i already know how to sing although i know i dun sing as nice as u do... u are a singer i am not...i am just a girl who loves to go k box.... the most i get to know ur fren patricia...but i dun keep in touch with her.... u can ask her...i dun talk to her in msn at all! tat is nothing for me to make use of u..... pls think twice before saying i am making use of u....

who is making use of who its obvious...u come to my house so often...swimming....bath...enjoy and relax...ALL IN MY HOUSE! if u dare to say u dun enjoy at all...then i have nth to say....but simply u enjoy so much tat u did ask again when can u come over? i treat u like a real true fren......but u take me as a hypocrite....did u spare a tot for me? dun u know u hurt a fren? but i dun think u ever regard me as a fren before.... u are the hypocrite...not me! in ur mind and in ur eyes i am just someone who is making use of u.... u have nvr trusted or taken me as ur fren...why act until so nice? i know u are veri class...u use branded...u have the money to buy lots of things...sorry..i am poor.... i have nth.... dun mix around with me then...i dun use branded... i use fake things.... results...do u think i have the rights to say abt ur results? i bearly help u collect ur papers...just tat i dun wan u to go around taking papers from teachers on ur graduation day...but wat i get from u was scoldings...blaming me saying i took ur paper...the reason i took ur paper...is becos i wan to compare results...EXCUSE ME! i dun have to compare with u...i will compare with someone who has veri good result and not u.... my result and ur results are almost the same...there is nth i can comment on....

so wat if result bad...will i laugh at u? i have nvr laughed at ur results.... u should know it veri clearly.... i simple reason on why i took ur papers...is becos..i wan to save ur trouble thru going around finding teachers.... but u said i wanted to compare results....if u get better i JEALOUS...if i am better...my heart will feel at ease.... JEALOUS? wat a joke...no one will ever believe such a thing.... i will get jealous over results...i can say..i have nvr compare any results with any frens except my veri own sister.... wat a person u are...u hate me..u wan to kick me away just say it straight...dun have to go one round...keep finding my fault and kick me away....tat is ridiculous!

all i can say is...she is childish...over sensitive.... over protected..self centered.... pls...think before u say or scold...before everyone turns its' back on u....whereby the whole world go against u...by then u will know the feeling of loneliness...by then..no one can help u or hear u.... think abt it...and i wont find it worth it to have a fren like her...even if one day she were to know her mistake and were to come back...i wont..cos i wont repeat my same own mistake...got back stab by my veri own fren just like tat....

i dun need to waste my time quarreling or explaining to a girl like her...cos she will nvr grow up...nvr understand...wasting time and effort.... i think i rather spend all my time of studies than her....i wont give a damn.....i am not wrong...i am veri sure...i am not wrong...no apologies... no way.....

i announce...from now on..i have nth to do with lin xiao wei...cos...she is a stranger to me from now on.......

end my diary here...tired...tml 8plus still have to get up and continue...

-sign off-
[[~*izumiko*~]]
13th oct 2005
4:50am

[[~* 11th oct 2005 *~]]

2005-10-11T05:24:00.000-07:00

dear diary...

11th oct 2005....well done...went to sch today..but less than half a class is in sch...during recess...went to take my papers.... and found out...all my hard work... gone down the drain... nvr slping at night...to read up and all...now...all i get is a fail...all 40plus... i have done my best....for all i can for prelim... veri disappointed...i dunno if it is my health tat cause so many changes... once it worsen...i cant concentrate on my studies... my maths...i practice again and again...but now i get is 40plus... not even a D7...its only 43.... mid yr...all F9...now prelim...all E8....wat is that! its the same as my last yr o level result... i lock myself up for 2 weeks...and yet i fail all...my english? i dun even think can get a C6... i called up my mom today after sch...and told her two of my results...the rest i cant be sure...

social studies...24/50...just one mark to pass.... geog...16/50... only 2 marks from my map work... i really wonder...is it i am stupid or i just neglect my map work too much tat i cant even score for my map work.... due to my map work...i fail the paper... one up one down.... fail...only 40/100... for combined.... maths...paper one....34.5/80 ....all careless mistakes... paper 2 43.5/100 ..... again... careless....and my graph work...not wrong point...then do wrong question...misread the question....as for bible... i can admit i didnt study...cos its the last paper...and my mind is all clot up with physics... science...i dunno...my teacher dun wish to announce...but i bet...its a F9 too... i wont score a D7 or E8 for my science... my language..english paper two... 11.5/50... getting a 14/50 is dangerous already...now i only have 11.5/50... seeing my paper really make my heart breaks... i really dunno wat to do... study so much...yet i still fail...i tot at least...my humans and maths..and my languages would pass...but no... eventually it failed... even my own parents gave up on me...now...i only have my own... i knew it in the first place... no one would encourage me....

i called her up...all she said was...i kept going out.... not doing the papers they give.... i go out.... i went out also ask yan chang and jalaine to teach...i didnt fool around.... maybe with adrian around... i wont get serious..but when comes to me and jalaine or me and yan chang...i get down to serious work...i also dun wish to fail again for o level...its so hard to go thru.... i dun have so much time left... i still have things to do.... although i know i cant complete it at all..but i still have to try...why cant my own family have trust and faith in me... i myself suffer from depression again and again...but no one knows...my heart and lungs have problem...no one knows too...all they know..oh...asthma comes again...dun they find it weird? having asthma up to 3 times for less than two months.... up to 6 to 7 times of fever and flu within just bearly 5months.... no one spotted it.... i am nth to them...in their eyes...i am just someone useless.... saying i nvr help out and all...wat are the things i have done?have they seen in it? i admit i didnt do much ever since my prelim comes.... but if i were to keep doing my notes and revision...do i have the energy to? ok...saying i dun keep the clothings...if i keep it..i have to fold it... she said keeping of clothes dun take more than 5mins...ok i admit...but folding of all clothes? it will take 30mins... or even 1hr... keeping their clothes? if she not happy...still have to iron it.... then wat.... that dun take the whole day... such thing happen last yr...i iron the clothes...bcos its way too much left there...ended up..for weeks...my hmwk i didnt hand in all i did was copy... i couldnt concentrate much...i have to think wat housework i havent do and all... now i learn my lesson...i wont touch so much on housework..since no one is using the house in the day...wat for make it so clean? one week do one big cleaning...i still dun mind...but u expect me to sweep...mop...fold clothes... iron clothes..i cant do it.... i need alot of time for my revision...even now tat i have seen my results...it make me feel worse... cos i put so much time and hard work into it...ended up i fail.... i handle all the things myself... i have nvr ask anyone to help me.... wat else does she wans from me.... i have enough of all her blamings and accusings...

u dun trust me is enough dun ever pull my frens in...she dunno them well..she accuse them of saying they behind kept add things on... PLS! THEY DUN HAVE THE RIGHT AND DUN HAVE THE TIME TO DO SUCH A THING! BUT IT IS SO OBVIOUS! HOW U TREAT U BLOODY OWN DAUGHTER! telling the whole world how bad her daughters are.... kept telling everyone i am not fillial...and all..wat kind of thing is this...who dun wish to earn alot of money n let their own parents have good life...i admit christal and i did demand for alot of things..but i do think for them too... how many things i wanted...i all want to save money to buy it on my own... if i really dun have it...i wont buy it...so many times...i said i want to buy this converse shoes jacket and all sorts..but ended up..i bought it only few months later were sales comes...which the jacket only cos 20plus when it comes to OG sales... i didnt even wan to buy the shoe...cos its expensive... if i nvr think of it..i would have request and demand for ATM i have an account with my mom...but she is the one spending all money i didnt touch a single cent... then wat? if i were to be so mean and bad...i would have take the ATM card away and spend it for all i care... but i didnt... although we cant be like my aunt's kid... or wat so ever...

we have our own good points for her to see in...but she dun wish too...i told her... why cant we sit down and talk...why must we ended up in quarrels all the time... wat she said.... talk wat talk...nthing to talk abt... wat is this? mother and daughter have nth to talk abt? she prefer quarrels... she thinks she is the only suffering...pls... her suffers arent permenant...WAT ABT MINE! my SUFFER IS FOREVER! ANYONE KNOWS? OF COS NOT!

she treat me like grass... fine...let it be...i dun have to do things to let u parents to see in from now on...i am leaving all housework aside...since u said i am so bad...why should i still do them when u dun appreciate them.... no ones cares when u are sick..no one knows u are sick...WAT ABT ME! HAVE U PPL SPOTTED ME! I AM IN ONE CORNER! FINDING MY BLOODY OWN WAY OUT! her sickness heals....while mine dun heal.... i hate this family i am in....

leaving me to struggle...tat is all they wanted to see.... fine... i shall let u see...how i struggle... dun ever say a caring word to me...asking me to slp early...or to drink more water...or asking me to drink herbs...so wat! drink all those! i wont be healthy again! since in the first place they let me go to let me struggle alone... i dun wish to beg them to grab hold of me... i study mine...they do theirs... tats all.... i have no concern with them.... nvr seeing wat their own daughter going thru...communication broke down...is all they wan...they nvr wanted to heal it...this family is tearing apart! i need no love...i hate the feeling of all the hypocrites around me...nvr to say my parents care..PLS! THEY DUN! THEY DUN HAVE THE RIGHT TO CARE NOW! NVR! even if i were to lie down in the hospital today...i wont wan them to visit me... the payment? use my bank account money...tats it...since i dun have the future... the money inside dun have to save it up for my future studies.... i have no future.... i only have current...tat is it.... i dun wish to say much....

after so long...i tot i have gain trust from them..but no...they have nvr trusted me...in tat case...nothing more to say....we have come to an end..... tats it....family dun look like family....LOOK LIKE COW DUNG TO ME! i dun need such a family....i do mine...they do theirs...i dun touch them...they dun touch me...tats it...

end my blog here...have to continue with my physics...

-sign off-
[[~* izumiko *~]]
11th oct 2005
unknown time

[[~* 10th oct 2005 *~]]

2005-10-10T22:36:00.000-07:00

ppl say...looking at the star u can see ur loved ones...
i tried looking at it before.... but i dun seem like wat it was to be said...
when will i see my loved one...my grandpa...when will he come and take me with him..
thru his road to a never ending land? why didnt he come and fetch me?
i am still wondering....*sigh*

Dear diary....

10th oct 2005... 9 36pm.... today...didnt manage to get up on time to sch.... my mum woke me up only at 8....whereby i am veri late for sch...so i stayed at home.....then my sis... she suddenly got a veri bad stomach ache...around 10plus...my mum call my hp...and woke me up again...she ask me to bring my sis down to her shop...whereby our private doc's clinic is there...

so i got up and get changed.... i quickly bring my sis down... she look so weak... then we took a cab down...when reached...she went to the clinic straight away...while i ran back to my mum shop...to inform her... i didnt take my medi today at all... there fore i was weak the whole day...but as a younger sis...i got to look after my jie... i accompany her thru the day.... watching her rest...eat.... slp... until 3pm...well...anyway...the doc say...it maybe worse...man chang yan ye shuo bu ding...so the doc gave her an injection....to stop the pain...then ask her to take medi...at 3pm go back to him and check and see how..if the pain worsen...will have to go hospital...at tat moment my heart was like...how can this happen... she ate nth ystd... why suddenly such thing happen... i was tired..and at first...kept wanting to go home is bcos i wan to take my medi...i even forgot to bring my inhaler out... make me feel worse.... but no choice...so i hang on...kept taking in veri deep breathe...and rest in my cousin's room...my mum's office...is a shop house...above is where i suppose to live for 10yrs... went up...have my cousin's room key... went in to let my sis rest...while i watch tv...and rest too... so i look thru his vcd file collection...has got initial d...so i took out the dvd version.... but we could not figure out which video chan...then we found out...we didnt plug in at all...then ok lor...plug in and then watch it...around 3pm...it was time for my jie to go back to doc...but she was slping...i dun wish to wake her up too...so see her slp...until 4 then she wake up....both of us intend to go home...before go home...she went back to the doc...but it was close...so no choice...we went home...came home...she continue resting ba....

i think...this matter had made me and my sis move closer...and make me believe...nth else more than the love from my loved ones...esp. my only sis... is deeper than anyone else.we may quarrel...but no matter wat...she is my sis...i will only love her...and not hate her....

knowing my time isnt as much as normal ppl..i know who and wat i should treasure... got a good news from my parents..my cousin and their family...coming over early this yr...going for 5566 concert together...as one big family..my mom..my jie...my uncle..my auntie..my 3 cutie cousins and me..as for my dad...he is there...to buy the tickets...his main activity is mahjong...this is the first time my parents would spend such a money to go and watch it...although currently i am not after 5566..but its a concert...we can watch it together...i am fine with it ... more over..my cousins from brunei dun have the chance to see it at all..since we have the chance this time round...their parents intend to give him a big surprise...indeed..my 3 cousins are really really hardworking...giving them such a treat...its not too good or unfair... they deserve it... they had always been look down in the mah family... bcos they are only 3 girls... and included their dad had been framed by someone and disappoint my grandpa... so.. things worsen...tat is why...their parents did alot to show them the love... i really envy them...but the same time...pity them...cos they face alot of stress in tat big family...lucky i am born in singapore and not tat big family in brunei...i think my stress will be even larger... thank god i have parents who dun force me in studies...its all free style....i fail they dun scold...they leave it up to me... although it may sound heartless...but well...wat can they do...now i keep them from my illness...just wan to pass the days on my own... seeing my loved one leave me...i cant bear....i rather leave earlier than my parents...at least..i wont see them leaving me... tat hurts... my grandpa's death had cause great pain in me.i learnt my lesson...

although i knw.i have been cruel of chasing ppl away...but tat is wat i could do...knwing me this fren is just temporary...its not forever... once known is enough... sorry marcus...i chase u away again...but i have nvr wanted to hurt u to play with u .....i wish i could move on with u ...but i realised i cant...things changed... body do make changes... so am i ....u can move on...u should move on... u cant hang on at all... i can tell the truth...i do feel the things u have done... but i cant accept any of them...first u are moving on too fast...but i am still behind struggling... we cant walk on the same pace... u should move on... u have to move on...

for junhao....a temporary fren.... he is forever someone i will remember... thanks...its veri great knowing u ...thanks..

end here...
not feeling well...

-sign off-
[[~*izumiko*~]]
10th oct 2005
10:35pm

[[~* 9th oct 2005 *~]]

2005-10-09T22:16:00.000-07:00

dear diary...

9th oct 2005.... 10pm.... currently.... BAD MOOD! why? well....i dunno why.... why do ppl love to entertain... even entertaining a person here...who has no life...anyway...went out today...with my parents after my tution...went to ang mo kio... walk around..... as usual...walk half way.... pain comes.... then pretend say i need to go toilet...so rush to the toilet... hide inside.... rest.... then...after awhile...walk ok...pretend nth happen...my mummy still ask me wat happen...i say...nth...

then after tat...went to hougang mall ba... went there...walk walk...tats all...eventually i persuaded my parents to buy my perfume...but got scolded even though i bought perfume...bought kenzo by summer perfume...actually wanted salvador fragrance de icanto....new one...but its like...$133+++ then i was like...my mother wont buy de...so bought one...$107 de kenzo.... but when i go kuching...i will go airport and buy salvador fragrance or anna sui secret wish.... either one... but not all things i said can be done....

just now sms xiao wei...asking her...if she still wan to be angry....and its true...she dun wish to reply.... for no reason...i dunno why...she wan it this way...i just let it be..now i have push everything aside and bearly sms her...wan to meet up tomorrow and go sch together...tats it...she dun like it...can say no...but she dun wish to reply...i dunno wat she wans... up to her ba...i dun wish to say anything... i have no rights to control or say ppl....

i am born to be like tat...i have to accept it...nth much to say....tml have to go to sch...got to slp early...

end here...

-sign off-
[[~*izumiko*~]]
9th oct 2005
10:15pm

[[~* 8th oct 2005 *~]]

2005-10-09T00:23:00.000-07:00

dear diary,

its 8th oct.... past midnight.... today.....went out with mummie and meimei...went to mummie sch study...indeed a veri nice place...then i saw my long lost primary sch fren...yvonne...she indeed change alot...real pretty now... but still tat hyper active...

we went around the school and see around...but.....i found out...my health seems to worsen... this seems to be a secret ba...but i realised...nth else to hide or not to say.....

my heartbeat start to stop beating for secs everytime if i walk slightly faster...in the past...the most...is a sudden veri fast speed of heart beat which cause great pain in my chest...but now...it tend to stop beating for secs.... and pain and cramps is wat i get...and of cos...jalaine and yanchang didnt knw..its always easy to hide away if i turn around and face another side and calm down my breathing.....

when walking to the opposite bus stop from jalaine de sch...i got a sudden black out just right in front of my eyes...i slow down.....pain came again.....and i start to feel breathless...we even chase after the bus......when got on the bus....i feel veri veri giddy...if i were to bring my medi.....everything will be better......but i choose not to take my medi again.....it will only open up my lungs..and let me breathe better...i cant afford to stay on with this bloody medi forever... which means..if future..i will have to take a permenant medi for it.....if i dun...i may die......

while on my way home today.....just nearing the lift.....a total black out in my mind and eyes...i paused..and sat down by the stairs.....i dunno wat is happening.....i cant be this way at all..i was fine all the time.....no one can see anything wrong in me.....but now? face turn pale once my make up is off...i need to wet my lips all the time...to prevent it from turning dry and pale...its obvious.....my parents always think its just normal asthma....as i was born an asthmatic kid..... whenever i get any asthma...the thing they would think of is oxygen mask...but they didnt know...whenever i get an attack my chest hurts alot alot...and heartbeat tends to be alot faster if not will be paused....

i think....my life.....i will really have to handle it myself.....and to walk on myself.....currently.....all i have to do is to pass my o level.....and move on to poly...and see how long i can go on...this way......

to junhao:

thanks for being a fren there.....to always pray.....but u know...somethings..praying really have of no use....its time for u to move on...with a brand new u.....and with another brand new person...u will be on ur own now...while i will be in the same spot...seeing u move on...no matter wat...both of us cant move on together...we are of the different roads...thank u for all the laughters u had brought to me.....i will nvr forget them......

got to take care....move on......dun think of the past......its over.....u can be stronger than before....life is much more beautiful than u tot.... move on and u will see the most beautiful and meaningful thing on earth when u reach ur peak......

i wish u all the best.....thanks......

-end here-
-sign off-
[[~*izumiko*~]]
8th oct 2005
12:22am

[[~* 061005 *~]]

2005-10-07T01:23:00.000-07:00

dear diary,

6th oct 2005.... currently updating my pics in frenster and doing my bloggy.... hum...today didnt get to meet my gan daddie they all nah...i only went to meet my meimei and mummie...cos i ended up no money due to last night.... so... only can go study ba.... today go eat long john...then after tat...see only 2plus nia...then ok lor...go airport....then went to airport de burger king...dunno sit how long...we went in not long later..got this group of guys and girls.... and its like...WOW! meimei eventually say they guys are yandao...her golden mouth open up and say yandao liao...her standard veri high wan....then nvm... its like...i think got 5 guys...on la... one not veri yandao...but another 5...is like...WAHAHAHHA!~~ the yandaos of all yandaos~~me and meimei was like looking at it...and the worse thing is...meimei kept looking at them...wahahhaha~~ tio spotted! then got one butch la.... but wah lau...chio cum yandao....best sia!~ the girls ma...not veri pretty..i assume...cos i see the boys nia...girls i nvr really see...or should i say nvr see at all!~woo ho~~ but really...for so long...in real life...they are the first group of guys i see so damn yandao nor! style....good dress sense...and shuai! but one bad thing la...they either not small size...if not is over skinny...wonder is it tat all yandaos are like tat....hum....*wondering*

then its like...my meimei commented... " got xing ge de ren...eat food also so nice..." haha..i was like...huh? why u keep talking abt the guys there? hum...meimei fa hua chi liao~~too long no bf...wahahhaa...

as for mummie...she totally not interested....really wonder why sia...mummie not interested in yandao? hum....weird!~ today went to long john also saw quite a no. of yandao leh...but hum...all is normal normal de yandao...not as special as the group we saw at airport.... and then ya.... we walk walk... up to the escalator that time...saw 4 boys sitting with macdonlds shu shu...then saw a guy with cap...then i commented... " actually...everytime i see guy wear cap i will wonder how he look like and will wan to go and see de leh" then my meimei is like... keep making noise..but so damn soft..how the guys hear it? but from the way...the 3 of us commented... "they are bengs!" hoho!~

hum...then back to topic...we sit down in burger king...solve one bloody electricity question..all of us almost quarrel sia...cos we keep think also wrong...its like damn dulan..but actually tat question is like...it is a poly question...not we these...nurse....simei ite accounting and o level retaker de problem...and not our standard... then meimei fren she poly de...doing IT...ask her this question last night...then she come and ask us today...then we keep solving it...until we come to a point ...."wah lau! give up la! this one also not our problem!" wahahhaha!~

and ya! mummie! u pinch me more than 10times today! PAIN~why? becos we saw "baboo"! mummie keep pinch me ask me wat colour sia! wah... got two blood clot lor! dumb dumb! mummie also one funnie de...keep pinching the same place...piangs! i pinch mummie ask her wat colour she dun say she pinch me back ask me back...then meimei only see nia! dun wan help sia! i am injured!

oh!~ and i realised...the 4 mosquito bite on my feet... swollen today!~ when walking to bus stop i found out the two bites on my two toes become red and pop up! which means...SWOLLEN! then another on both side of one of my feet... SWOLLEN TOO! at first while walking to bus stop..it was like...so damn itchy...feel like stop walking and scratch leh...but u know leh...public...i wear skirt some more...cannot sia....

wahahhaha!~

hum...just finish updating all pic sia... its like..hum........ 20 odd 30 ba... and its like...i spend 3 days to finish all...and now i need to change my dearies frenster to family frenster liao...and everything need to be changed! and i am so damn tired... i need to add junichiro kor kor de frenster...until now i also havent add...since monday until now sia...haha... hope he dun mind la...u know de..i busy ma....

around 1 month more to o level..and i am struggling thru my books...and mummie and meimei de teaching...my tution...my revision...really hope this time can do well... as in...not distinctions...but at least a nice point for me to get into poly or even ite nicely... i dun wan to drag on again and again leh...its like...SIANZ! i hate o level...

so...i will struggle and struggle...i dun care! but i will do well! thats all!!! I WILL~~~

end here...still need to do my frenster thing....

-sign off-
[[~*izumiKo*~]]
1:22am
061005

2005-10-06T23:36:00.000-07:00

my reflection while waiting for train
dear diary....
its still 6th oct.... but now is 11:20pm.... just now something happen veri badly ba.... stupid me totally forgot my door lock spoil... i still go shut my door...then kana locked up outside... then my papa veri angry...keep scold me...tml suppose to go out de...end up....cant le ba..my dad sure wont give me money de lor...he angry until like tat...

just now measure my temperature again... increase again ba...just now scared until almost faint nor.... not veri nice sia.... first time i scared until like tat....hais... dunno ba....

so sick...so tired....tml just stay at home slp ba.... rest well...then i can do my revision also....

end here....

-sign off-
[[~*izumiKo*~]]
11:34pm
6th oct 2005

-[[~* 06/10/2005 *~]]

2005-10-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

dear diary...

now is 8plus at night...and i successfully recover from fever...damn it...si adrian...u hai me kana high fever...make me suffer for whole day.... i didnt even make it to my practical today...cos way too sick....u bastard! wat kind of papa are u! i curse u then u know! tml wan to go out...cos i ask marcus come out le... he also got his leave...cannot put him aeroplane de... i dunno why...i terribly sick today...and all i wanted was him to be by my side....i found the one? but...hum.... u knw de... i cant get into any relation due to some problem... i am just a problematic person... today morning woke up....wah...whole body weak...some more asthma medi got side effects... hands and legs shiver like siao..hais...tat is why i hate taking tat medi...tat time daddie ask...why i straighten his hair my hand will shake... i say too heavy liao the straightener.... but the fact is asthma medi side effects...cannot let papa know la...later he think alot? haha....

ystd kept sneezing and coughing....i can sense something wrong le...who knows...it react today....damn it! well done... tot can fold all clothes today...now so damn weak...could hardly do it...but! i still have to fold it...i have done my blog with a nice skin type...i didnt know i can do a blog skin...last time i dunno a thing...now i know all the things! haha...funny sia.... but ok la...just a plain one... nothing much...will change my blog skin from time to time ba...

marcus still working... after work he say will call me... as for junhao...problems solve ba...i dunno if those i have said will go into his head anot...but hope so ba... me and him impossible...its so obvious...we are going the different path... i hope marcus can join me to carry on my path ba.... well...everything tml then can know....if he dun hold on to my hand...all i can say is byebye le ba... but well...still can be frens ba... cant be lovers...can be frens... more over...i dunno how........... er.... ok...dun say....its a secret....

i better end here...need to fold all the clothings.... bbl...will do a second post later...

-sign off-
[[~* IzumikO *~]]
06/10/2005
8:40pm

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